10 Prayers For An Emotionally Abusive Marriage

Heartbroken woman sitting on stairs

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Do you have an abusive husband? Use these prayers for an emotionally abusive marriage, written by a wife who sought God’s help in these words.

**I am not a counselor, pastor, psychiatrist, or professional. I am just someone who experienced an emotionally abusive marriage and prayed my heart out for years. These prayers are some of the very ones I prayed when I was in an emotionally abusive marriage myself. They are heartfelt and authentic but should not be considered to be advice on your particular situation. I cannot recommend either divorce or staying together in your unique circumstance but, as in any abusive situation, please seek professional help to keep you and your family safe.***

If you came across this post, the likelihood is that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. First of all, I am just so very sorry. You have probably heard words that never should have been spoken but still cut like a knife.

I want to be very clear in saying that emotional or verbal abuse is still abuse.

I wholeheartedly believe that lines up with God’s Word (my Christian counselor agreed).

You may have heard otherwise. Verbal and emotional abuse tend to be minimized.

But it was very real to me. There were nights I begged my ex-husband to hit me instead of abusing me with his words. When I reported him to the police at the advice of my lawyer after a particularly angry fit of rage, the policeman just stared and asked, “So…he never hit you then?” As if physical abuse would have been the only indicator of a problem worth addressing.

It’s not.

If you are unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, please look over this article by Healthline laying out 64 signs of mental and emotional abuse.

It took me years to even recognize that what I was experiencing was abuse so I didn’t even know I needed to be getting professional help for most of those years.

But I prayed. I prayed so hard. I have a box of tear-stained journals full of prayers because, even when I didn’t know I needed a counselor, I knew I needed God’s help.

I prayed all of the prayers below but there were also many times when I felt so broken that my prayers simply consisted of saying, “Jesus…Jesus…I need You.”

Whatever prayers you can muster…God hears.

The prayers below are written from my perspective as a wife with an emotionally abusive husband but if you are the husband of an emotionally abusive wife, please just switch out the pronouns to fit your situation. Do the same thing if you are a loving friend or family member praying for an abuse victim in need.

Prayers For Emotional Abuse

For Healing The Broken Relationship

Lord,

Please heal my marriage. I’m desperate for help and can’t see any solution. I know that, as it is right now, it’s very broken and feels like it’s beyond repair. His words have hurt me in ways I never thought possible.

My heart is raw and I feel like I don’t have any fight left in me. Our marriage is full of fear, bitterness, resentment, despair, and so many other things that do not glorify You. I’m at the end of my rope. But You are our Almighty Healer and I believe that You can do a miracle in my marriage.

Heal his hearts of past hurts. Proverbs 12:18 says that the words of the reckless pierce like swords (which is exactly how his words have felt to me, but also that the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Help me to be a healing voice in my marriage. Show me where to reach out for help. Surround me and my husband with supportive people who will help us both work through our problems and experience true healing.

This has to come from You, Father. I lift my marriage up to You and ask that You give us complete healing so that we can use their relationship to show the world glimpses of Your love. I’m asking for a miracle and You are the only One who can deliver.

In Jesus’ Almighty Name, I pray. Amen.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

For Healthy Boundaries In The Marriage For Both Husband & Wife

Heavenly Father,

I know You are just. You are a God who fights for the abused and stands up for the oppressed. I ask that You do just that in my marriage, but I also ask that You empower me to fight for myself as well.

I feel so small right now…so beaten down. Give me the confidence to say no when it is appropriate. Give me the strength to lay down healthy, loving boundaries and stick to them.

Grant me wisdom in showing me when I should stand firm, when I should stay silent, when to be flexible, when to leave, and how to get help. I don’t want to be selfish. I want to honor You. But giving in to his every whim is NOT honoring You and it needs to stop.

I don’t feel like I have the strength to stand up against him so I’m depending on You to hold me up in my weakness. Boundaries might be the best way I can love my husband right now. Please, show me how to gently but firmly lay them as a loving wife.

In Your Son’s Name, I pray. Amen.

A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty;

    rescue them, and you will have to do it again.

Proverbs 19:19

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3:20-21

For The Abuser’s Heart

God,

I know my husband’s heart is not right with You. Even he knows his heart isn’t right with you. I’ve tried so hard to be patient and loving and kind to show him Your unconditional love through my words and actions, but it isn’t good enough, Lord. I’m no substitute for You.

Please, heal his heart. I don’t know what past hurts he is harboring but I know they are causing him to lash out at me unprovoked. I know he does everything he can to distance himself from experiencing any hurt in any relationships.

Instead, he chooses easy relationships and ditches people when it gets hard. He distances himself from any real connection. I don’t even know if he is capable of authentic relationships anymore. He is selfish, wanting to experience the benefits of a marriage without any responsibility, any commitment, and any work. And when something doesn’t go his way, he responds in the most hurtful ways he can think of. It’s pure evil.

But You are bigger. You can shine Your light in the darkness of his heart. You can expose his sin and heal the darkest places that he doesn’t even want You to know about. Soften his hardened heart with Your unconditional love.

Bring him to his knees and show him how desperately he needs You. Because You are the only one that can help him and heal him.

In Jesus’ Name I pray, amen.

For this people’s heart has become calloused;

    they hardly hear with their ears,

    and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

    hear with their ears,

    understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.

Matthew 13:15

For The Abused Wife’s Heart

Lord,

My heart is so broken right now. I never imagined words could destroy a soul but, even though he has never laid a hand on me, I feel physically bruised and battered. My heart is raw after being stabbed again and again.

I’ve been yelled at, cursed at, belittled, insulted, threatened, blamed for his actions, and my emotions have been mocked and invalidated time and time again. I can’t take much more. I need You, Lord. I desperately need You. Please, heal my heart.

You are my only hope. He will never take responsibility or offer an apology, which means I need to be able to do this heart work without him. I refuse to sink to his level. I refuse to be defeated by his sin. But I’m drowning, God.

I’m barely hanging on and I need You to lift me up on Your wings like eagles. I lift my heart up completely to You in full surrender. I am Yours, God. Please, let your strength shine through my weakness. Get me through another day. Protect me from his attacks. Heal my hurting heart.

In Your Son’s precious Name, I pray. Amen.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

For Help & Support

God,

I desperately need help. I am so isolated in this marriage. I’ve been trying so hard to respect and honor my husband by not telling people about all that goes on in our house behind closed doors but, in the process, I’ve completely isolated myself.

Nobody understands what I’m going through because they just don’t know about most of it. Please, show me who I can reach out to for help. Give me wisdom in how to speak respectfully but also truthfully about our marriage. I can’t do this alone anymore.

Bring people into my life who will understand and support me and continue to point me back to You, not just suggest easy answers that will only be bandaid solutions for a bullet-hole-wound-problem. Proverbs 12:26 tells us to choose friends carefully and I feel that’s especially true now. I want to do this right, Lord, honoring You every step of the way.

I know You are my ever-present support but will You please bring a small circle of people in my life to surround me with support, too? I believe You created us to thrive in community and I really need that right now.

I love You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 12:26

For Protection From Verbal Abuse

Heavenly Father,

I cry out to You today begging for Your protection. I’m not safe in this marriage. He hasn’t laid a hand on me but he has destroyed me with his words, his threats, and his anger. I shake with fear when he starts yelling. I cower when he starts throwing things. My teeth chatter, even hours after the screaming stops.

I’m terrified to be in my own home when he is there. I don’t feel safe anywhere. His anger is unpredictable and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I’m asking for Your almighty protection, Lord.

In Exodus, Your Word says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Please, fight for me. I choose to dwell in You, my refuge. I love You and I trust You.

In Your Name I pray, amen.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Exodus 14:14

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Psalm 91:1-2

For A Way Out Of The Abuse

God,

I need a way out. I can’t do this anymore. I have been walking in this darkness for years now. His words have beaten me down. His actions have hurt me beyond words. I need a way out.

I never thought divorce would be an option for me. I know You hate divorce. But you also hate violence against your people. I’ve never taken that verse in Malachi as a whole before, only in separate parts. I hate divorce, too. But is that where you are leading me?

I don’t see any other answers. I’ve fought so hard for my marriage but he’s not fighting. He’s destroying. He’s abusing. He’s unfaithful. I will continue to fight if you tell me to. But I don’t have any more to give.

I’m at the end of my rope. My heart can’t take anymore. Honoring You is my number one goal but I don’t believe You want me continuing to live like this. This is not your will for my life or for my marriage.

Will You please give me wisdom and lead me to the right solution, Lord? Is it separation? Divorce? Something else I haven’t considered? Please, show me the answer clearly. I need to know my next steps are lead by You. I can’t make this decision on my own.

In Your Name I pray, amen.

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Malachi 2:16

**If you are thinking about divorce, please seek help and counsel from a pastor, Christian counselor, or other trained professional. It is not a decision to make lightly and you might need extra help to plan a safe escape.

For Peace That Passes Understanding

Lord,

I ask that You cover my marriage with Your peace that passes all understanding. Emotional abuse in a marriage is an incredibly stressful thing to experience. My heart is raw from the words he throws at me like daggers. I’m grieving the marriage I thought I was signing up for.

I’m frustrated and distraught that he has no response to my heartache. It seems like the more pain I’m experiencing, the more cold, angry, and hurtful he becomes. This is the man I fell in love with and I can’t feel an ounce of concern that he has for me anymore. But Your peace can cover all of this and more, Lord.

Let it wash over every fear, every doubt, and every frustration that I have and overflow into my life and my heart. While he is fighting to destroy, You give life. Where he creates conflict, You offer peace. Where he is fighting to divide us, You bring unity. Cover me with Your peace.

It would make no sense for me to feel at peace right now but that’s exactly how your peace works – without boundaries and without me needing to understand. I need You, Lord.

In Your Son’s Name, I pray. Amen.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

For A Husband To End An Affair

God,

I need Your help. My husband is having an affair with another woman. Every time he gets caught, he gets so angry and blames me for his actions. He tells me I’m not loving enough, I’m not meeting his needs, I’m not making him happy…I thought those things were true for so long – that if I was just a better wife, he wouldn’t look for another woman.

But I know that’s a lie now. I know that, no matter how perfect I was, I would never be able to satisfy him. He is the one choosing to live in sin and that is not my burden to bear. His satisfaction in our marriage has to come from You changing his heart, Lord.

There will always be a woman out there who is prettier and more exciting than I am. Please, transform his heart. Give him a heart to be faithful to me, to our marriage. Let him feel the weight of him breaking the covenant he made in our marriage. Convict his heart and bring him back to me – not just physically, but emotionally, as well.

You can heal all things but he has to want to make our marriage work, Lord. And that has to be from You. I’ve tried to win him over in my words and actions but I’m not powerful enough. It’s a miracle only You can do and I believe You can. Please, end his affair. Show the other woman that what she is doing is wrong, too. Fight for my marriage with me.

In Your Name, I pray, amen.

One who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself commits it.

Proverbs 6:32

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements.

Matthew 15:19

For The Abused Wife’s Self-Confidence

God,

My husband’s words have ripped my self-confidence to shreds. He has insulted my appearance, my intelligence, my relationships, my work, and more. I feel like all that’s left is the shell of the person that I used to be. Even when I’ve tried to cling to the words that You use to define me, his voice still creeps in. It wears me down.

It’s exhausting. Please, Lord, rebuild my confidence to be built on You and You alone. Not on my appearance, my intelligence, my relationships, my work, or anyone else’s opinion of me. You made me on purpose and for a purpose. Please, show me what that is.

Help me to not only know that I am worthy because I am a daughter of the King but also to feel that Truth. My husband can’t destroy my confidence if it depends on You alone. Help me to work toward believing that’s true. I’ve felt like such a failure as a woman and as a wife but I have worked so hard to please him and You. I’m so thankful that You see my heart.

None of my efforts have gone unnoticed in Your eyes, even if all of them have been left unappreciated in our home. Thank You for being my rock. I love You, I trust You, and I rely on You to be the source of my confidence.

In Jesus’ Name, I pray, amen.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

See this article for more Bible verses on self-confidence.

Need more prayers & Bible Verses?

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16 thoughts on “10 Prayers For An Emotionally Abusive Marriage”

        1. Hi Jennifer, unfortunately, that marriage did end in divorce. I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man, but I also don’t believe marriages like my first always end in divorce. I know women who were in marriages similar to my first who experienced true healing in their marriages as they sought help and counseling. They stayed and reconciled with their spouse. I believe God brings beauty from ashes differently in all of our unique stories.

  1. Hi Jennifer, your prayers are amazing! I’m in a marriage were the roles are reversed (I’m the husband) dealing with abuse. I don’t know for sure if there has been an affair but I can feel the sting of the other situations you’ve described. I’ve been working to fight for this marriage (25yrs) and starting to stand up to the abuse but my heart is so broken and worn out, it just doesn’t feel like it can make it through. God has been my rock all these year too and doing by best to trust in Him and hoping He can lead my wife to Him as well. I just cried when reading your prayers as I can hear/feel your pain (and my own) as they were such a heart felt cry out to God. I’ve learning to pray like that with just letting my heart cry out and even now feeling my gut clinch/tighten to cry. I’m trying to hope some day my wife could see God the way you do and we could share that experience together. God bless you and your family!

    1. Oh, Jim, I am so very sorry that you are experiencing abuse. That has to be incredibly difficult for you and I’m so proud of you for starting to stand up to it. I know how much strength, courage, and energy that takes! Praying for God to guide your every step and be ever-so-near to you along the way. 💜

  2. I am currently in the same exact situation. I’ve prayed to God to help me through this, to give me strength, to give me a way out if that is what he wants for my life because I’ve been doing this for 28 years. It got so bad that I started seeing a therapist because my depression, self esteem and self worth was so low. She told me he is narcissistic. I’ve tried to stay with him thinking that is what God would want me to do, then I started thinking God would not want me to continue on this way. My husband keeps telling me he’s going to change but he never does, he does well for a couple of months, sometimes it doesn’t last that long, then it’s back to him yelling at me, telling me I’m not worth much, pointing out everything that is wrong with me. I’m worn down mentally and emotionally, I’m tired and I feel like it’s taking a toll on my health.
    Thank you so much for the prayers and sharing what you’ve been through, I’m glad you were able to get out of your situation and I pray God continues to bless you.

    1. Oh Joanna, my heart breaks for what you have endured all of these years. I’m so glad that you’ve reached out for help from a therapist. I know how difficult it is even just to do that part when you are in a situation like that. I can hear your exhaustion and heartache in your words…and you still left encouraging words for me, too! Bless you, dear one. May you feel the fullness of God’s love wash over you today – His peace that passes understanding, His gentleness, His unshakable joy, and His never-ending faithfulness. 💜

  3. Hello,

    I’m 29, married for almost 5 years (no kids). My husband is very emotionally abusive. My feelings and hurts are never heard. I realize God doesn’t want a life of abuse for me. I’ve prayed so much for change. It seems like every time I pray, the abuse gets worse. I don’t know what God is telling me. To leave or wait? And if I leave, how to disattach myself emotionally? We’ve been separated before and I came right back after 3 months. I think the hardest part is when you are emotionally attached to someone and unsure how to leave because of this “bond ” one has with the abuser. Some advice or prayer would be appreciated…

    1. Hi Diana,

      Of course, I will pray for you! I am so very sorry you’ve endured even a single word of emotional abuse. I know how deeply words cut. It makes sense that when you pray, the abuse seems to get worse. The enemy loves taking those opportunities to attack and try to steal your hope and your focus away from the Lord.

      I wish I could tell you what to do here, but, unfortunately, this is a decision only you can make. I agree that God doesn’t want a life of abuse for you. And it seems like the pattern of abuse isn’t stopping, so, whether you divorce or separate or not, it sounds like the boundaries need to change to provide more protection for you.

      I so relate to your doubts here about how you would ever be able to detach emotionally from this person you’ve given your heart to. It was such a heart-wrenching process for me and I was so tempted to run back to him for months after I’d made my decision (because he remained unwilling to change), but I survived all of my worst days and grew stronger through it. I know it sounds cliche to say it like that, but I don’t think I ever could have built up my strength if I’d stayed in that abusive environment. Getting out hurt so badly, but it also gave me space to reconnect with God and redefine my identity in Him (and not on the hurtful words of my abusive ex-husband).

      Your life doesn’t have to be like this. He doesn’t hold all of the cards. You aren’t in control of his words and actions but you ARE in control of how much of them you allow in your life. You are stronger than he’s making you believe you are, Diana. I’m praying for you, dear one.

      1. I can relate to the sadness of breaking the bond…my current spouse is not a believer and has had an indescribable amount of rejection and damage and other trauma from before he was born til now. I worry about not wanting to hurt him or drive him to the point of self harm only because he always talks about wishing he was never born. I pray for his healing and salvation, but feel he is so tied down and bound by so many lies and shackles. I wonder if I left if God would save him or if he would go off the deep end and even though the trust I had in him is shattered, I can’t imagine him going into eternity without Christ. I would be devastated. I pray too, that God brings clarity.

  4. My husband, now 58, and I’m 66 ,has always at times been drunk and abusive, we did speak to a priest about this and the priest suggested to him choose between the drinking or the family, he never turned up for an arranged visit to the priest, so the priest unfortunately dropped contact with him, he has since started 2 years ago on our 27th Anniversary talking to his ” first love on the internet ( she’s from his own country, and also around the same vehemently refused to take me with to his own home abroad ( it was my brother in law’s funeral, already I had found out about his talks on the phone with her,but he assured me deceitfully that he had no intentions of taking with or seeing her…all lies. This came as a big shock for me as through the year’s of marriage I have went through every kind of trauma imaginable but I always thought we were one, in it together so to speak.
    I told him to leave, still in shock and deeply hurt I packed his cases and told him to go. He came back asking to give or marriage another chance, as I prayed over it , I sensed he was going through a change of life experience and recapturing his youth with this person who was part of it, and forgave and never brought the subject up.again (. at his request, ) that was a year ago and by chance my daughter saw that person’s number pop up again on the phone naturally once again I was in shock and hurt to the core and almost devastated, but my daughter Grace stood bye and helped me. I told him to leave, he refused blankly and said I would have to put him out first.
    He knows he’s comming into a large amount of money, ( we’ve always been hand to mouth sort of people never really short of money with plenty of holidays at times. ( a day at.a time scenario adoption, )I didn’t mention he spoiled every occasion with drink…holiday’s birthday’s Christmas ect I am now a pensioner, AND i don’t think he wants to support me ( this he has threatened many times. ) Also my first marriage was Annulled so I think I put up with this behaviour possibly guilty of the first failure and determined to stay for better or worse. It’s very insecure at my age in life to be left this way. I Guess I have a million more stories, but may be for another day.
    Please pray for me and my family who naturally have also suffered through this mockery of a marriage and could I ask all who read this pray for me and my family and husband, that a miraculous healing takes place to save our marriage and for the Holy spirit to guide me to the right decisions of
    what God wants me to do..

  5. I am in a terribly emotionally abusive marriage, I got out of an abusive marriage and unfortunately went right back into an even worse one. He has thrown things at me, punched holes in walls, yelled at me for crying amidst the screaming. He has PTSD from serving but I know that’s not an excuse. I have been very open to my family about what goes on though. His family just criticizes me for seeming upset when I am around them saying I am in “a mood” agian, because I am just emotionally exhausted. I have a supportive family but they live in Wisconsin I currently live in tennessee. I am thinking moving back home and starting over wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

  6. Hi, I believe God led me to your prayers through another site as I seek for wisdom and direction from God. I also thought my husband was a Believer before I committed to marrying him, but I also had allowed for much compromise in my Christian life and physical relationship before marrying. (My previous marriage of 12 years (he was a Believer) I had escaped with my life (after trying to salvage my marriage for 3 years, but also failing in the later years). My current spouse seemed like an answer to prayer because He showered so much love and kindness on me. He made all my dreams (or so I thought) come true. The past few years he has deteriorated in so many ways and I found out that he is not a believer and wants nothing to do with Scripture or the Lord or church (although there have been even recent occasions where he has agreed to take me…I often think I am seeing God work, but then something else will take place and he make a complete 180° again to oppose anything that has to do with the Lord.) The emotional and verbal abuse was already there along with false accusations, projections, manipulation etc. and usually involved whenever I wanted to see family or friends…then when I made some new friends that were Christians (men met through work) he immediately judged and accused me of wanting to be with them which was completely untrue. I tried to tell him that they were no different than any other family friend who had brought me encouragement. I even introduced them to him and other family. But it became a point of contention that he would not let go of…He became so angry in his insecurities that he completely rejected me and pushed me away in all aspects. That’s when I ended up an emotional wreck because he already knew what had happened in my previous marriage and he literally repeated it only worse – the only difference was that he wouldn’t hurt me physically. So, being “thrown away” I ended up like the stray dog on the porch looking for food – if the dog gets no food and kicked every time it shows up it’s going to look for food and when there’s someone who shows it kindness to then why would it refuse that?

    I was starving for affection and my love language also was words of affirmation so, it didn’t take long for me to find myself exactly what he had falsely accused me of months later….I was devastated with myself, angry (not at God, but the situation) & thought over and over that if my husband hadn’t accused me falsely and thrown me away then I wouldn’t have even considered any of it and I was angry that I was experiencing it – even though I knew better, I just felt so exhausted & weak, like a wilted flower laying on the cobblestone crushed by a heavy foot….and this was the 2nd time I felt that way. But this time it was with the person I thought had rescued me from the last situation. I begged for God to somehow heal my heart and forgive me. I never thought that I would’ve ended up like that, but I have been seeking deliverance and prayer ever since and focusing on healing and my relationship with the Lord. I still wonder if He could or would ever bless the other person I leaned on and came to love and trust, but I thought to myself, how could He when what I am (we are) doing is wrong? So, I find myself crawling toward Jesus, looking up at Him with a dirt-covered, tear-stained face begging to be cleaned, forgiven, & loved again, but wanting clarity on how to move forward after…I know He has the answers, but I am exhausted from waiting – I am grateful to have finally found some godly believers who can pray with me and for me and I can hear the word of God preached. I pray He gives me the clear answer and wisdom I need for my next steps…

    1. You are a beautiful creation of God. You are right to turn your eyes to Jesus. He doesn’t want you to be abused. Maybe it’s time to take next steps for your marriage and if I could recommend a process for healing so you’re less likely to repeat attracting an abusive partner, I highly recommend any of Leslie Vernick’s groups (the emotionally destructive marriage) and Called to Peace Ministries and support groups. Also, the Refuge has support groups and is excellent!
      God forgives fully and freely when we repent sincerely. Move forward in that freedom and joy! He doesn’t beat you up like your husband does. Which One (one) will you model? Follow Jesus, He sees s the Truth, the Life and the Way.
      You are loved.

  7. I need prayers to see my next move in this tired abusive toxic marriage. Becoming a wife is ruined, becoming a mother is ruined. I want out, I still love him and I know he’s hurt from his past family life. I don’t care anymore I’m done being his and his families punching bag. Jesus please help me I’m so tired my baby doesn’t deserve this in her first year of life

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